we have pet lesbian snakes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
