I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
