i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
