I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
