so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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