some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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