I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
