so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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