So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
