I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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