the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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