Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He shit in the fireplace
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
