I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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