I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
