jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wear drunk well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
