i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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