he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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