It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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