i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize