just tell him i said nine months
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
