we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
