Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
being pregnant is like rehab
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
