We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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