she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
