Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Farmville is her only friend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
