She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
