Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The adults are the big ones right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
