Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
