Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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