In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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