Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
