Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
