I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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