he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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