need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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