What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
