alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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