If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm like, not good at living.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
