we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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