okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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