every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
