I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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