I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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