whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
