I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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