Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
