omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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