and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
