I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
