Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
