Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize