Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I supernannyed him into submission
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
