that's an acceptable place to lick
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
