Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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