I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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