At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize