i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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