you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
