Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just cropdusted the office
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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