This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He has the fingertips of a God
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