bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
