There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
