I can text with my tongue
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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