she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize