Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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