is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
