My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
