i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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