I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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