I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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