Ketchup is God's man juice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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